Watchmen: The Movie
I don’t know if my opinion is a spoiler all on its own but here goes nothing.
Holy hell was this movie terrible. I mean, I spent the last hour of the film thinking about what I would say on theScrabbled.com about how awful it was. And seriously, I’m Jonathan “Paris” Hall, I usually find the good in every album, movie or book I take in. I’ll always watch a movie once for its entertainment value.
I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never so easily, immediately admitted to myself that I disliked something like I’ve done tonight.
I’m not even one to say things such as “the book was so much better” or “I can’t believe they’re making this into a movie.” I always give things a chance.
First and foremost, I really do not recall seeing so much blue dong in the graphic novel, I just gotta say that.
The acting was miserable. So very forced, as if they were trying hard to be unique, edgy comic book characters. For a superhero story that’s supposed to be set in the real world, they sure seemed phony to me.
The story has so many vital scenes in it that even 3 hours isn’t enough time to give it justice. Pieces were thrown together so slimly that the raw meanings were not given enough time to sink in.
The tones, morals, and feelings are so much better expressed through a slowly-read speed. Without the proper amount of time for development, most scenes fell flat and meaningless.
The rare fighting scenes were the only saving graces. I feel fucking terrible for those thinking they were getting an action movie.
It was just all out of balance. Again, the dialog, messages, meanings, tones, emotions, etc. were just very misrepresented according to my memory of the reading.
I know I had more (specific) things to say but I’m tired and fucking disappointed.
Comments
Every song that randomly played on my iTunes while I typed this review was instantly given a 2-star rating. That’s how gravely this movie has affected me.
It’s as if the screenwriter just browsed through the novel saying, “Ooo, this seems like an important sentence, I have to make sure they say this one” while there was no real meat backing it up.
It’s the Cliff Notes of the book. There you go, the fucking Cliff Notes! What were the characters? What did they look like? What are the themes of the book? What did some of the lines mean? What was every character’s motivations/problems? Here are straightforward mentionings of everything you need to know on your Watchmen test tomorrow!
The fucking purple long-eared tiger showed up 2 hours later with no explanation in the least. I can only imagine what the audience was thinking.
“Oh, the novel has a purple long-eared tiger? Well let’s throw that in too. I want to make sure no one says to me, ‘He left such-and-such out from the book’s plot.’” Cover it all! As quickly as possible! Don’t worry about development or pace!
Oh and speaking of songs. For a second, a second I thought it was a nice idea to include real-life songs to give the movie that real-world feel. Fuck that it was stupid.
I don’t know it says about me that I love this post so much. Nothing good, I can image. I love it when people are disappointed and/or hate things. It reaffirms my faith in them as intelligent, discerning person and makes me personally feel like less of a curmudgeon in a world full of happy idiots.
Also, this will likely end up reaffirming my pessimist nature in that I never expected much good from this to begin with, so I won’t be disappointed if I hate it as much as you did.
There’s nothing wrong with what you’re saying, Hutch.
I was checking out Rotten Tomatoes reviews reviews on the movie and for some reason, despite not sounding positive, some reviews are considered positive.
Whoever chose the music should get thrown out a window, but there are moments of Snyder’s 300 visual flair and a few flashes of character magic.
Just a few flashes?
The CliffsNotes treatment leaves the uninitiated like me wanting more and fans of the comics ticked that director Zack Snyder, his crew and the cast didn’t get it quite right.
“wanting more” and “ticked” and this was positive?
Watchmen is like having too much of your favorite thing. I love ice cream, but I can’t eat an entire gallon in one sitting
This is a good thing?
John said:You’re such a liar! You hate it when people hate things that you like, like Radiohead, There Will be Blood, Bone Marrow, or hockey. You only love it when people hate things that you already hate or are hoping to hate.I don’t know it says about me that I love this post so much. Nothing good, I can image. I love it when people are disappointed and/or hate things. It reaffirms my faith in them as intelligent, discerning person and makes me personally feel like less of a curmudgeon in a world full of happy idiots.
Banned Bill said:You only love it when people hate things that you already hate or are hoping to hate.
holy shit. did hutch implode? did his computer melt? i think you just unveiled the secret of the scrabbled. truer words have never been spoken on thescrabbled.com.
I was hoping to talk about Watchmen.
Banned Bill said:
You’re such a liar! You hate it when people hate things that you like, like Radiohead, There Will be Blood, Bone Marrow, or hockey. You only love it when people hate things that you already hate or are hoping to hate.
Fuck, my mind is blown.
Paris said:I was hoping to talk about Watchmen.
hutch ruined that for you. if it were a post by me or anyone else, his response would have been:
“YOU’RE WRONG.”
i think he’s a little gay for you, honestly.
also, i have yet to see Watchmen. this review combined with my not liking the book much makes me wary.
mandy said:
also, i have yet to see Watchmen. this review combined with my not liking the book much makes me wary.
Well hey, maybe in that case, you might turn out liking it. It’s certainly visually pleasing. That’s the one plus. So really, as a Snyder superhero movie, it does all right.
But since I’m a fan of the book, with its cleverly small connections, wonderfully juxtaposed timelines and morally deep characters, I was disappointed. Again, this just wasn’t the right medium for Moore’s messages.
Honestly, I’ve wanted to read the novel for a while now, and Mandy’s review made me rethink that. But now all these people who have read the novel and seen the movie make me wonder just how the hell possible it was that in a graphic novel there could be these intricate characterizations and deep meanings and explorations. I’m just now more curious than ever to know how that got captured in what seems like such a limited format.
Kevin said:uch a limited format.
YOU’RE WRONG.
John said:I love it when people are disappointed and/or hate things. It reaffirms my faith in them as intelligent, discerning person and makes me personally feel like less of a curmudgeon in a world full of happy idiots.
This is why we’re friends. Specifically, why you like me.
John said:Kevin said:uch a limited format.
YOU’RE WRONG.
I said “WHAT SEEMS LIKE….” you dingbat! And I also included the “s”.
And if you’re posting, why aren’t you up here yet? And if your answer is “WAAAAAHHH SO MUCH WORK TO DO” then why aren’t you doing this mythical work instead of POSTING!!!!
I had just woken up. It’s part of my morning ritual to yell at people on the internet. Also, I was being funny. See how I quoted what Bill said I’d say? See?
Now I’m in my post-shower yell-at-people-on-the-internet phase of my day, and moving on to the eat-breakfast-and-think-about-how-I’m-going-to-yell-at-people-on-the-internet phase of my day.
John said:Also, I was being funny. See how I quoted what Bill said I’d say? See?
you should wake up more before you comment so you don’t get as many things wrong and look silly.
Kevin said:Honestly, I’ve wanted to read the novel for a while now, and Mandy’s review made me rethink that. But now all these people who have read the novel and seen the movie make me wonder just how the hell possible it was that in a graphic novel there could be these intricate characterizations and deep meanings and explorations. I’m just now more curious than ever to know how that got captured in what seems like such a limited format.
definitely read it. my opinion seems to waiver on things from a lot of other folks’. it wasn’t a BAD read, just a little disappointing. i think a second-run will have me seeing it in a better light. the illustrations themselves are outstanding and read like the best film story-boarding ever. some of the multi-panel bits are so very nice to look at.
Honestly, I was expecting the movie to be a complete train wreck, and was pleasantly surprised when it just wasn’t as good as it could have been had they decided to just make an HBO series of it and give the source material the goddamn respect it deserves. Night Owl was perfect, and it looked beautiful, and I didn’t wanna bolt from the theater. (It could have lost maybe 40 minutes, but whatever.)
That being said, the soundtrack was so unbelievably stupid I was actually embarrassed by each selection. I mean, it was abhorrent. The word “obvious” doesn’t even work. (It also reaffirmed to me that Leonard Cohen’s recording of “Hallelujah” is one of the worst versions out there, despite it being his.) “Hurr ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ for ’Nam scene drool.” Despicable. Srrsly.
I really don’t know what to think of the movie. I did though, watch the whole movie thinking, “This is not going to make a lick of sense to someone who hasn’t read the comic”.
-I thought they did the back stories well for The Comedian, Dr. Manhattan and Rorschach, and I thought most of the characters were well cast. I couldn’t figure out what sort of accent Ozymandias had though.
-The soundtrack was absolutely horrible, and ruined a lot of the movie for me.
-The sex scene was waaaaaaay too long and stopped the movie dead in it’s tracks.
-I really have no idea if I enjoyed watching it. It didn’t have many “WOW!” moments…I didn’t leave the theater happy like I did with The Dark Knight.
- The changed ending was fine, but I miss the squid, just because it’s a bat-shit insane way to end a story.
- I really don’t have any desire to watch it ever again, but that may change.
I was also pleased with Dr. Manhattan’s story. He is my favorite character in the novel and I found his role was “nailed” the best.
spoilers galore!
ive never read the book, which i think almost gives me a better ability to judge the movie solely as a movie, and decide if it was good as a stand alone film, instead of being mad that they didnt include my favorite line and or scene.
first off, i think that the movie needs no more to get its points across about the characters. i fully understood everyone and everything by the end, as a matter of fact, i cant imagine how they could be adding deleted scenes for a directors cut, as all i can see that doing is pushing the movie even closer to three hours, making it even longer.
the bad points: the acting is pretty dry from the start, but part of that might be that my main focus for almost the first 60 minutes is walter and he’s wearing a mask. most of the time. i did find though, that once he was unmasked, and especially at his final point in the end, that the actor did an awesome job of getting the emotion out there.
too much computer stuff. and obvious too. Jon looked great in every scene, almost real, but then they added stupid things like jail cell bars, just so they could fly through them… same thing with the cemetery sign, and the blood on the sidewalk that passes comedians button… also all the work during the opening fight, it was cool and brutal, but at the same time, the immediate tight close ups and constant speed changes left over from 300 were very distracting. i like to get lost in a movie, but as i could see these things, all i could do was start thinking technical and picking about how a simpler shot would have been just as good if not better.
the music: again, more distracting than anything else, and obviously chosen for novelty. the only two parts where i thought the music was fine was during the sex scene, and when manhattan was first on mars, giving us his backstory, which i assume was actually part of the film score, and goes to support the idea that the movie wouldve been better served with a traditional score over the hits of the 60s, 70s and 80s.
again, havent read the book, im going to try and pick it up though and then compare the two. i really dug the characters, and thought some of the actors did a great job: night owl, dr. manhattan especially. sally jupiter was terrible though.. and i thought the movie offered some great tense moments. thats why i read the books later, id be bored in a movie if i always knew exactly what was around the corner. i think the fact that most people do it the other way is exactly why popular opinion dictates books end up being way better than the films, you spend the movies run time comparing. i try to judge each as its own thing.
i might own the movie when it comes out, depending on if i can get a theatrical version, along with an extended in the same package. i always like the option of deciding if i want the extra footage in or not, as opposed to only having it one way or the other.
one thing i did miss because though dialogue didnt seem clear enough at that moment: why did the comedian have to die?
Derrick said:one thing i did miss because though dialogue didnt seem clear enough at that moment: why did the comedian have to die?
in the book i believe it was because he was the first to uncover Veidt’s plan and would have revealed it before it happened.